"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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