I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
honey bunches of taint.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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