Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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