So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
