I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
