PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
