how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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