Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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