After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
