I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
