Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i think my tv is drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
