If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
