I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
