The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
