The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
