If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
