i just had sex bonerless
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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