Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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