Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how can u be prego again
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
