If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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