drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
