Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
