Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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