I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Holy shit dude........stairs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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