My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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