saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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