You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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