some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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