he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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