I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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