It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
