there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
