i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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