she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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