Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize