Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
