you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
