Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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