16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
