i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
