Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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