My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just cropdusted the office
We named our party play list daddy issues
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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