You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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