Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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