ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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