Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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