God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
