My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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