I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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