I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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