R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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