It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
