I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
