he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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