I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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