Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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