you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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