we have officially lost it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
