oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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