drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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