I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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