I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
