the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
