No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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