Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
