I can text with my tongue
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize