we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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